Dark (2015)

DARK (2015)

Genre: Thriller

Length: 93 min

Director: Nick Basile

Writer: Elias

Executive Producer: Joe Dante

Starring: Whitney Able (Monsters), Alexandra Breckenridge (The Walking Dead), Brendan Sexton III (Boys Don't Cry) and Michael Eklund (The Call)

with Redman (Seed of Chucky)

A few months ago there was a power cut in our part of the North East of Scotland after some of the worst snow storms here in many a year. Up until that point the day had been rather mundane, I was away at my day job, it was the middle of the week so therefore I was fast losing the will to live. It was approaching 4pm when the power went off in our office. The lights went out, the computers went silent and perhaps the most frightening aspect of all, the coffee machine stopped working. I won't say that there was panic, but the thought of no coffee was enough to send some of us into an ever-increasing feeling of apprehension. 

It became clear within the hour from a radio announcement that this was going to be one of those rare extended power outages, so the powers that be decided to let us go home to the relative safety and comfort of our homes...... well at least that was the intention because when I eventually reached my house about an hour later, well lets just say that I now know my place in the hierarchy of survival in my family. The thing is, my family (wife, son, daughter, 2 dogs and 2 cats) had heard the news that the power could well be out for a couple of days, such was the damage that the weather had wreaked on the local infrastructure.

They had quickly come to the communal decision between them that the well stocked food in the refrigerator may well be wasted as it quickly defrosted, something had to be done. Did they think of putting the food safely locked up outside the house (remember it was a snow storm) - nope. Did they think of connecting the refrigerator power supply to a spare battery that was there doing nothing in the garage? - nope. Instead they decided that the only thing to do was to eat all the food that was in there, all 5 days worth of it........ well at least it wouldn't go to waste.

By the time I reached home there was barely any food left. I entered the kitchen to see my dogs eating my supply of Italian meat section - all that was left for me was a couple of plain biscuits.......bastards.

Well OK, on the scale of things my losing my supply of fine Italian meats in a blackout may not be the theme for a great movie, however the notion of what the mind of a human being is capable of experiencing in such circumstances is well wroth exploring. And this is exactly what this remarkable film DARK does.

"Set in NYC during the blackout of 2003, Kate, a struggling 30-something model with a troubled past, has just moved into her girlfriend Leah's Brooklyn loft, but already doubts about their relationship has begun to loom. When Leah leaves for the weekend, Kate unexpectedly finds herself alone in the apartment in the midst of the worst blackout in North American history. 

As darkness falls over the city, Kate's  paranoia grows and she begins to believe someone in the building is stalking her. With no one to help her and escape out of reach, Kate is forced to confront her deepest fears as she fights to survive through the night."

The backdrop of DARK is based upon the actual blackout back in 2003 which affected huge swathes of the Northeastern and Midwestern US, together with some southern Canadian provinces. The power cut lasted for a few hours for a lucky few, others were not quite so lucky with some areas being without power for between two days and up to a week for some of the more remote parts. It was regarded at the time to be the world's second largest blackout which overall effected over 10 million Canadians and up to 45 million people in the affect U.S states. So alright, maybe my tale of blackout isn't quite as extreme as that one, but it's all relative.

When I received the request a couple of weeks ago to have a sneak peek at an online screener for this film two things immediately persuaded me to do so. Firstly the story was written by a past acquaintance of 5D, Elias, who was responsible for the hugely enjoyable GUT, a film that didn't hold back on it's psychological and violent punches. If you want to see what I mean then you can read the article RIGHT HERE.

The second persuading element was the connection to DARK with the role of executive producer being taken up by non-other than cinematic legend, Joe Dante. Yes that's right, only Joe bloody Dante! He of Gremlins, The Howling, Piranha and Innerspace to name but a very few. If that's not enough to sell anyone into seeing a film, well I really don't know what is.

This is a film that in some ways took me by surprise, both in it's study of the psychological complexities that can impact on an individual who is already in the throes of mental fragility, but also in the willingness to be disciplined in taking its time to tell a story that is sometimes deceptive in its portrayal of acute emotion. I must admit that the opening scene between Kate (Whitney Abel) and Leah (Alexandra Breckenridge.... yes, she from The Walking Dead) is quite simply electrifying - just don't watch it, ahem, with any children present.......wow!

However, the relationship between the two women is clearly already in troubled waters, the strain seemingly caused by the long-standing psychological issues which are tormenting Kate. These issues are currently being amplified by the problems between the two women, with the very issues plaguing Kate about to significantly explode when the blackout hits and she finds herself alone in a darkened city to accompany her darkened mind.

This leads us to one of the main strengths of DARK, because the intention of writer Elias and director Nick Basile seems quite clear, to show how the blackout is responsible for the speedy psychological disintegration of a individual, and so acting as a metaphor for how the social disintegration can also unfold on such occasions. To be able to to this, time and patience has to be spent in order to fully appreciate the desperate struggle of Kate to keep hold of her sanity in the face of an increasingly unseen terror. There are some who watch this that might become impatient with the periods of apparently little happening, but this it one of its strengths the as the result is a sometimes implicit yet constant increase of suspense and psychosis.

Another undoubted strength of the movie is the central performance of Whitney Able as Kate, for she is quite simply stunning. In truth she needed to be because the whole success of this examination of a fractured mind rests on a completely authentic and convincing portrayal by the lead actor. And convincing she is, moving effortlessly between ever changing moods of bewilderment, despair and terror as she battles her inner demons. I predict great things for Miss Able, great things indeed.

If you add to that a strong supporting cast, particularly the equally wonderful Breckenridge, a fine script and some inspired lighting and editing which belies the films low budget you have a package that should not fail. I'm sure it won't.

What we have in DARK is a genuinely suspenseful psychological study of the effects of isolation and entrapment. There will be the inevitable comparisons to a certain Mr Hitchcock and his predilection for ripping a vulnerable gorgeous young blonde woman from the secure trappings of normality and placing her in the grasp of many of society's mortal and unspoken fears. I have been lucky enough to have been given the chance to interview the films director in the near future and I wouldn't be surprised to find out that this was a conscious homage to Hitchcocks methodology.

A thoroughly enjoyable movie experience.

You can find out much more about this remarkable film at the official DARK website http://www.darkthefilm.com/#synopsis

This article can also be found via the 5D website www.5d-blog.com. There you can find a veritable feast of blog articles, news items, pictures and other mouth-watering salutations to the gods of the geeks and the nerds. We have now inherited the earth, you know.

The Horde

I once had a friend (no behave, I really did) who came from a sophisticated and well to do family. It's safe to say that she was something of a classy girl. She wore the best designer clothes, listened to the latest music and had read vociferously the works of Chekov - and yes, I was besotted with her. In all truth, I had always thought that she was way, way, way out of my league, what with my unashamed love of Sci-Fi & horror, comics and the like. However, it became clear that we had something of a connection and soon became the best of friend until one day she invited me around to her parents house.

After the usual pleasantries and stilted conversation between myself and her parents she asked me if I wanted to see her room, but first I was told that I had to prepare myself for a surprise. Of course I wanted to see her room - however, before your dirty little minds start getting ahead of the story let me warn you that you're on the wrong path. This is not that type of story. After making me promise for about the 36th time that I wouldn't divulge what I was to see in there, she took me in. Now, I'm not sure what I was expecting to see, but there in one corner was what she described as her one true love - it was a wall-to wall collection of marvel comics, Stephen King Novels, slasher dvd's, B-movie science fiction tapes and finally her absolute pride and joy - every single Jean-Claude Van Damme action film ever made. She described this area as her guilty pleasure sanctum and something that nobody was to know about. She told me that she was in awe of me (me?!) because I didn't give a toss what people thought of my tastes.

I must admit that I dislike the term 'guilty pleasure' when it comes to admitting ones love of something, whether it be music, movies or literature. I also dislike the elitist tone some that occasionally comes to the surface in some conversations within the scifi and horror genre community - you know the ones I mean, such as the one where you simply must love 2001: A Space Odyssey but at the same time you simply must deride Flash Gordon. Elitist nonsense. There's room for everything. You should never be embarrassed about what floats your boat, never.......... Well maybe except for a predilection for certain things that may cause a rather lengthy stay in a correctional facility. Those you should keep secret.

So when 5D headquarters received the following message this week one of my own particular boats was well and truly floated:

"Hey! Love the site! (That's always a good start for Mr Ego here).

We’re representing the new action-horror film THE HORDE, released this May, and thought it’d be up your alley!  The flick stars rising action star Paul Logan, Mad Max icon Vernon Wells and Costas Mandylor. Keen to review the film (below) and/or interview some of the cast/crew?"

You see, if there's one thing I love in movies it's a good no-nonsense in your face high octane action flick....... you just have to say the words Con Air or Under Siege and I'm yours forever. Just one look of the overview of The Horde was enough to peak this here bloggers interest.

"The film follows ex-Navy Seal John Crenshaw (Paul Logan) as he accompanies his girlfriend and her students on a weekend nature-photography expedition deep in the woods. What should be an educational and fun-filled trip turns into horror as the group is besieged by an unspeakable evil: a horde of hideously disfigured, mutated humans with an insatiable taste for blood. 

With the stakes higher than ever, John must once again embrace the life he left behind and become the unstoppable combat soldier he was to track down and kill the horde.The mutants have no idea who they are up against when the hunters become the prey in this life-or-death, kill-or-be-killed conflict that proves how much one man will do and endure to save the woman he loves and get them out of this Hell alive."

Ok, lets get a few things out of the way straight away.......... Yes, the lone warrior type person against a rag-tag group of low-lifes has been done many times before......... Yes, the fusion of action film with mutant hordes has been done before.......Yes, the story of some less than appealing teenagers getting far more than they bargained for on a camping trip has been done on countless occasions......... and yes, the increasingly inventively violent ways to kill a bad (or good) guy isn't new either........

But who cares? Because, bloody hell, I enjoyed this film immensely. In fact if truth be told, one or two of those familiar tropes are actually turned on their head in this film. For a start one of the keys to its success is that The Horde doesn't attempt to take itself too seriously. It knows from the start what it is - a high energy slice of action intended to simply entertain it's audience with no grand or elitist pretensions. I dare anybody not to be seduced by its charm and endeavour.

I have it on good authority (namely, my wife) who suggests that Paul Logan has at least two major attributes in order to make him a fine action hero - firstly, a very nice smile; secondly, muscles to die for. I did ask her why she suggested that I started working out myself when I don't actually look that different from the degree holding martial artist action star. I must admit that I did take her uncontrolled hysterical laughter a little personally while she was barely barely able to breathe, let alone talk at that point. "Just what is that supposed to mean? I have a degree too!"....... at that remark she collapsed in incredulous laughter once again.

In all seriousness, Paul is perfectly adept at the requisite (sometimes deliciously cheesy) one liners as he progresses to dispatch the mutant baddies in an ever increasingly inventive and brutal manner as the hunters now become the hunted. In addition to that, it is quite clear that as writer and producer of the film this is a very personal and important project to Logan, and this factor certainly comes through. So let's see......another all round talented guy, good, that's another one of us then.......

The Horde must be praised to in giving a sizeable amount of screen time to the selection of bad guys, with particular mention being given to the legendary Vernon Wells who, as one of the horde, completely steals the few scenes that he has in the film. I was incredibly honoured to speak on the phone with Vernon a few weeks ago while he was filming in his native Australia and wow, what a nice guy! If you have a moment you can see the transcript of the interview RIGHT HERE.  In this film, not only does he display a nifty skill with a an electric saw, but also a some wonderful lines, especially the sequence where one of the unfortunate students is about to succumb to the sharp delights of his steel blade.....

"Well of course there was the screaming and the begging...... oh and the crying....... But then there's the realisation...... that when this cold steel blade cuts into warm flesh and that burst of spray of blood......ha!.......what's left?....... What's left is just the screaming........oh god........I love the screaming....."  

Utterly brilliant!

In fact the film as a whole boasts a fine selection of bad guys with Costas Mandylor (Saw IV) and Matt Willig adding an excellent addition to the bad guy ensemble.

The supporting student characters are suitable annoying and obnoxious in parts but special praise must go to to Tiffany Brouwer as the students teacher and love interest of John Crenshaw. To say that she is on the right side of delicious would be an understatement and has absolutely no bearing on my saying how fine she is in the movie. The fact that I have just sent her a friend request should not be seen as questionable in a court of law, after all, she's a friend of Paul Logan and while there's a small chance that he could kick my arse, well I really don't want to take that chance.

As I mentioned earlier, The Horde takes some familiar themes and does it's very best to fuse them with elements of horror and gore, and for the most part it succeeds. That's not to say that the film is without it's faults however. At times the combination of traditional action picture and horror gore don't quite always work with a couple of scenes feeling a little disjointed to leave the narrative feeling somewhat less linear than it could of been. In addition the soundtrack is perhaps the least successful part of the production, and something which at times clearly detracts from the the experience rather than adding to the atmosphere and tension. 

However, these are but minor negatives. It is abundantly clear that everyone involved fully enjoyed the whole filming process and this transmits itself effortlessly to the audience. The result is a hugely enjoyable since of action and horror fun. Yes, that's the word - FUN. And nobody should be ashamed of embarrassed about enjoying that experience here.

The Horde will be available in the US and Canada on the following platforms : iTunes, Google Play, YouTube Movies , Vudu, Amazon Instant Video, Microsoft Video Store, Playstation Network, Hoopla, and in the US on AT&T U-VERSE, DISH, DirectTV, Cox, Charter on Demand, Verizon FiOS, Suddenlink, Mediacom, Insight, WOW, RCN, and in Canada on Eastlink TV, Rogers on Demand, and Shaw.

You can find out more about The Horde at its official website at http://www.thehordemovie.com

This article can also be found via the 5D website www.5d-blog.com. There you can find a veritable feast of blog articles, news items, pictures and other mouth-watering salutations to the gods of the geeks and the nerds. We have now inherited the earth, you know. 

The Witching Season Web series

This week I was contacted via the 5D Facebook page asking whether I'd be interested in looking at a horror web series with a view to scribbling some thoughts about it. To be honest I was a little reluctant to do so so at first, after all the upcoming Comic-Con here in the north east of Scotland was taking up the majority of my attention  - you know the usual stuff; make sure I can remember how to use the camera this time, actually have questions ready for the guests I want to interview and to this time make full use of my press pass instead of getting sidetracked into buying lots of Comic-Con Goodies....... well one can hope. 

Well my couple of readers won't be surprised to learn that I quickly changed my mind and indeed decided the watch the three episodes made so far in the horror web series that is The Witching Season. Perhaps the main reason for my change of mind was the quick look I had of the short introduction sequence that accompanies each episode - because, well......wow!

The intro section of The Witching Season unashamedly nods a respectfully knowing head in the general direction of John Carpenter's sublime Halloween with a segment that oozes a dark atmospheric tension with it mix of dreamy visuals, seemingly normal small town scenes interspersed with jarring Halloween props and a haunting synth soundtrack throughout. The haunting soundtrack comes courtesy of the wonderfully named, Slasher Dave - it is not clear whether this is a harmless yet curiously strange nickname or the result of the man's predilection for unsavoury knife-related weekend activities which require the need for a number of body bags and bottles of bleach..... I'll check with him at some point. It really is a fabulous opening sequence which barely lasts 60 seconds, but nonetheless, the perfect precursor to the main attraction.

So what is this Witching Season malarkey, I hear you ask. Well ask no more, for in the words of the people themselves..........

"The Witching Season is an anthology of short horror films, presented on YouTube as a free web series. Inspired by classic anthology shows such as "Tales From The Crypt", "The Twilight Zone", and "Are You Afraid Of The Dark?", The Witching Season delivers originally produced tales of terror that are all set during the Halloween season. Fuelled by nostalgia, the series pays special attention to the atmosphere and spirit of the Halloween season."

Ahhh, brave words, but are they true? Well yes, in my opinion I would say that the claim is pretty much on the mark. If you don't believe me, we'll have a quick looksee at the descriptions below and then click on the YouTube link to watch the episodes for yourself.

Episode 1 - Killer on the Loose

In this first episode, and perhaps my favourite of the three, an escaped killer lurks in the shadows of an isolated home on Halloween night.

The episode is written and Directed by series creator Michael Ballif ("2 Hours"), and skilfully pays its own form of tribute to classics horror films of the 80's, but with its own particular Witching Season variation. As an introduction to the web series it works very well, containing a suitable level of tension and terror throughout. Not only that but the film is confidently filmed and acted with a degree of aplomb that occasionally escapes some low budget indie horror productions. Add a couple of genre in-jokes (watch out for the film playing on the Television) and you have a thoroughly polished and effective chiller.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNSGeEewbc8

Episode 2 - Princess

The second instalment of The Witching Season sees Kendra and her daughter Jamie move to a new home in the quiet suburbs in search of a new beginning........But something evil lurks in the basement and it isn't looking for roommates. The episode is written and Directed by James Morris ("The Astrological Whipping Boy" & "Absolution Is Now Public"), this second episode of The Witching Season takes the series in new direction of terror. The filmmakers sincerely hope that their Princess doesn't frighten you...... but she probably will!

The second instalment  will most definitely squeeze the nether regions of certain viewers, as it takes some other favourite elements of the horror genre, a family in a new home that on the surface seems perfectly blissful........however underneath lies something distinctly sinister in the buildings depths and fabric. Once again, we're provided with a skillful and effective slice of terror.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5Wv_Jeo44U

Episode 3 - Not Alone

In the third and final episode (well, so far at least) we find Kyle, who wakes from a horrific nightmare, struggling to bridge the gap between his dreams and reality in the darkness of his room. But then, he notices something… an ominous figure standing silent in the darkness. He is not alone. 

Once again the episode is written and Directed by James Morris ("Princess", "The Astrological Whipping Boy" & "Absolution Is Now Public"), here The Witching Season explores the realm of sci-fi horror, a sub-genre that I perhaps love more than any other.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNULNivoRbs

So there you have it, a trio of well written, acted, and filmed horror shorts all wrapped up in a delicious helping of atmospheric soundtrack. I have it on good authority from Mr James Morris himself that episode 4 is in pre-production so it should be hitting YouTube in the very near future. James also mentioned that they have a cunningly clever plan in releasing episode 5 after that. I may not be the sharpest knife in the kitchen drawer but I'm pretty sure I would have definitely worked that out for myself......... eventually.

Personally I can't wait.

You can find out all that you need to know about this excellent web series by checking out the following links;

▶ Main Website: http://witchingseasonfilms.com

▶ Facebook: http://facebook.com/witchingseasonfilms

▶ Youtube: http://youtube.com/witchingseasonfilms

▶ Instagram: http://instagram.com/witchingseasonfilms

▶ Twitter: http://twitter.com/witching_season

▶ Contact e-mail: witchingseasonfilms@gmail.com

This article can also be found via the 5D website www.5d-blog.com. There you can find a veritable feast of blog articles, news items, pictures and and other mouth-watering salutations to the gods of the geeks and the nerds. We have now inherited the earth, you know.

There is also a newly launched forum on the website designed for ANYONE involved or interested in the Independent film industry related to genres of Sci-Fi, fantasy and horror. Feel free to register and contribute - Everyone is welcome!

In addition the 5D website now has PayPal Donate button. Any donations kindly made will be fed directly back to help with a podcast materials, competition prizes and other general costs etc. If you wish to contribute to the exciting growth of the website & blog then we here at 5D headquarters would be eternally grateful. If you would like your contribution to be acknowledged publicly then simply send a message via the website’s contact section and we’ll send you some love!

If all that was enough to entice to 5D land, should any of you fine people out there wish to advertise on the 5D website then have a look at the offer below.

Top 10 games of 2015

In all honesty I'm not a great fan of 'best of' lists - partly because I'm notoriously undecided when it comes to nailing down my absolute favourites for just about anything. In fact as soon as I put any sort of list together I then spend an age stressing and pontificating whilst trying to ignore the seemingly endless other choices that seem to continuously pop into my head, each of them shouting all the while "Pick me, pick me, pick me!!"

If truth be told, the only constant in any 'all time' list that I put together is my favourite ever horror movie choices, with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) permanently at the very top - well except when I think that my No1 is actually The Wicker Man (1973)....... do you see what I mean?

So when GT4 GameCon asked me to guest blog a couple of articles, one of which was to list my top 10 releases of 2015, I was a little reluctant. This due partly for the reason that I've mentioned, though I was also a little reticent for another reason. There is a saying that has developed over the years about life on the Internet that I rather like, which goes something as follows; There are two steps to cause a major fight on the Internet. 1) State an opinion; 2) Then wait one minute.

Because inevitably, once lists like this are published the result is a volume of responses such as "I can't believe you didn't mention........!" or the age-old classic "Why on earth (or words to that effect) did you have .......... at No1????!!!!" Well, it's my blog, my rules and my list, so feel free to disagree and suggest alternatives as much as your hearts desire - after all we're all entitled to our opinions and will probably have a multitude of 'best of' variations. 

However, after consultation, deliberation and not a little consternation....... here in reverse order is my personal list of what moved this ageing Gamers heart and soul in 2015.

10. No Man's Sky - Highly anticipated but lands in 10th spot as the little game play that has been revealed has a lot to live up to.

9. Mirror's Edge Catalyst - Hold on to your sick bags, Mirrors edge is back and looking better than ever.

8. Uncharted 4 - Drakes back and up to his old tricks, PlayStation 4 hasn't felt quite right without an Uncharted release.

7. Pokemon Red/Blue/Yellow - Re-release of original Pokemon titles... Say.No.More

6. Far Cry Primal - Traditional Far Cry game play, the time period should offer a lot to the franchise.

5. Tom Clancy's The division - Would have been first if the graphics and game play hadn't been Nerfed since initial tease.

4. Doom 4 - Old School classic revamped and looks Killer!

3. Quantum Break - Big shame that this is an Xbone exclusive, the time shaping abilities look great.

2. Horizon Zero Dawn - Open World Fantasy game, intense graphics and a refreshing take on a post apocalyptic setting.

1. Gears of War 4 - Speaks for itself really.

This article can also be found via the 5D website www.5d-blog.com. There you can find a veritable feast of blog articles, news items, pictures and other mouth-watering salutations to the gods of the geeks and the nerds. We have now inherited the earth you know.

A 5D love letter to the Six Million Dollar Man

When I was 9 or 10 years old my parents finally succumbed to my never ending pestering for a guitar. You see, even at that early age I had pretensions of being the next Jimmy Page, the next guitar rock god. I can't quite remember how long I moaned and sulked to get my very own instrument, but knowing me it was probably for a good few months that they had to endure it all until one Christmas, Santa did his thing. That brand new acoustic guitar was my immediate pride and joy - my dreams of conquering the music world had begun.

As it turns out those dreams eventually turned to dust as to soon it became abundantly clear that I had practically no discernible talent when it came to playing the guitar. In fact I was, and still am, bordering on the wrong side of atrocious in my playing. My childhood dreams of being a rock god lead guitarist were shattered beyond all redemption forever.

And it's all the fault of The Six Million Dollar Man. Yes, that's right  - Steve Austin stopped my from being the next Jimmy Page.

At the same time the guitar was delivered to me a worldwide television phenomenon was in full force with the tales of Steve Austin, Oscar Goldman, Jamie Sommers et al. The Six Million Dollar Man had been gracing British TV for a couple of years, and to say that for me and my close circle of friends it had become something of an obsession would a huge understatement. The programme had also found itself to be a bona fide cultural phenomenon; the requisite edition figure (which I proudly owned) seemed to be everywhere, the term 'bionic' became part of normal everyday conversation and the phrase 'we can rebuild him, we have the technology' was muttered even by politicians. Not only that, but wherever you looked kids under the age of 14 seemed to only ever run in slow motion whilst trying to make some strange metallic whooshing sound in their throats when they jumped or lifted anything - it was all so very bizarre.

My friends and I were no exception with our making use of every school break for the mandatory reenactments of the previous weeks episode - all including the inevitable bouts of slow motion running, jumping from (not very) large heights and holding a hand over one eye as we stared into the distance (all of which were accompanied by the strange whooshing noises). 

Good looking, charismatic, stylish....... well enough about me, 

here's Lee Majors as the Bionic Man

It didn't all run smoothly for us though, we all wanted to be the Bionic Man and none of the boys wanted to be the Bionic Woman - though eventually we did manage to press gang one of the girls in our class to be Jamie Summers. So we all became Steve Austin. I often wonder what visitors from another world would have made of their first view of the children of this part of planet Earth, none of them able to run faster than slow-motion. It must have been a bizarre sight.

Anyhoo, back to the Bionic man being responsible for my guitar rock god career crashing and burning before it ever really began. The fabulous Christmas present from my parents of the guitar also came with something to else, a dozen Guitar lessons form a local trained musician - nice! Well except for the fact it wasn't. The problem was that the lessons had to take place after school, on the one day of the week that the musician could fit me in..........At 6.30, to finish at 7.30........On the other side of town.......... Driven by my dad (the slowest driver in the whole of Christendom)........But it was also the night of The Six Million Dollar Man............ I would miss the first 10 minutes - maybe more if Captain Slow decided to well and truly live up to his name. 

Now before you kids out there ask about recording the show etc etc....... This was the mid-1970's baby, well before the Anderson family could afford such luxuries and witchcraft as a video recorder. I know that in these after wonderful streamingly binging days of rarely watching TV live this may seem like the dark ages, in some ways it was. If you missed a programme, there was no catch-up on line alternative....... In others words, you were buggered.

It was a quandary. On the one hand my parents had paid in advance for 12 (and not inexpensive) guitar lessons, plus things had been made even worse as my school teacher had arranged for me to play in front of the class on completion of the said lessons - no pressure then. On the other hand, my 10 year old Bionic world was about to crash and burn around my ears. There was no option except for me to suck it up and get on with the lessons. I managed this for two or three weeks, but it was horrible, as all I could think about during the lesson was getting home in time for the programme to start - and the panic that came with it knowing I wouldn't make it, no matter how many 'quick' routes home I devised for my dad to drive. 

Courtesy of http://www.artofthetitle.com/title/the-six-million-dollar-man/

It wouldn't have been so bad an experience I suppose if for the fact that The Six Million Dollar man contained perhaps THE iconic opening intro sequence ever, and  one that people immediately still think of in connection with the show. In the days before that very first episode, whispers had abounded at school about this great new scifi show which was coming over from the States. Again to remind you, this was a lifetime before the trailer rich online teasers we enjoy today, all we had were a few magazine snippets here and there and the word of mouth (we had though moved on from using carrier Pigeons)..... So when I sat down with my best mate to watch this new show, we were mildly excited. By the time the opening credit sequence had finished we were practically uncontrollable with hyperactive hysteria.

The opening is pure genius and is still regarded as a template for programme makers. It uses real footage of a Northrop M2-f2 crash (the 1967 crash that nearly killed pilot Bruce Peterson and had acted as the inspiration for the original novel, Cyborg), Interspersed with authentic NASA type dialogue between Austin and mission control. After which comes the voice-over from Richard Anderson..........stunning, simply stunning.  It's a showcase example of intro perfection, in little under a minute and a half, a biography of a crash victim and an introduction into the world of bionics was expertly crafted, all wrapped up in a stunning musical soundtrack. 

It still gives me goosebumps even now...... even just here in it's raw dialogue form.

"It looks good at NASA One." Flight Com

"Roger." B-52 Pilot

"BCS Arm switch is on." B-52 Pilot

"Okay, Victor." Flight Com

"Landing Rocket Arm switch is on." B-52 Pilot

"Here comes the throttle." B-52 Pilot

"Circuit breakers in." B-52 Pilot

"We have separation." Steve

"Roger." SR-71 pilot

"Inboard and outboards are on." B-52 Pilot

"We're comin' forward with the side stick." B-52 Pilot

"All looks good." Flight Com

"Ah, Roger." B-52 Pilot

"I've got a blow-out in damper three!" Steve

"Get your pitch to zero." SR-71 pilot

"Pitch is out! I can't hold altitude!" Steve

"Correction, Alpha Hold is off. . . Trim selector is emergency!" B-52 Pilot

"Flight Con! I can't hold it! She's breaking up, she's break—" Steve

Narrator (Harve Bennett): "Steve Austin. Astronaut. A man barely alive."

Oscar Goldman: "Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first bionic man. Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before. Better ... stronger ... faster."

Now have a look for yourself.....

So what made this show so special for it not only to be a ratings hit for the majority of it's original five series, but to become such a cultural phenomena?

Well for a start it had a leading man who for a time represtend the 1970's zeitgeist, Lee Majors was good looking and insanely charismatic - and not only that but he was married to Farrah Fawcett! Talk about the golden couple, and for a time until she dumped him for his best mate, the darlings of the press. Every man and boy wanted to be him, and many of us dreamt about being with her..... but that's another, ahem, less savoury story.

In addition, the characterisations were given a detailed level of layered texture and richness that up until that time had often been avoided by such genre shows. It's not often that a supporting character can come close to up-staging the lead, but in the case of Richard Anderson's portrayal of Austin's boss, Oscar Goldman we had an intelligent, warm and often humorous personality. The interplay between Anderson and Majors was always a joy.

The lovely Bionic couple

Another notable aspect of the series was the inclusion of practically a who's who of guest stars throughout it's lifespan - William Shatner, the fabulous Monte Markham (who played the tortured seven million dollar man), the legendary John Savage and of course, Farrah Fawcett herself to name but a few provided a regular weekly "Oh that's ........"

The result of which was that this was a series that made you genuinely care for the characters. Yes, it's true that on occasion (especially towards the end of it's life) it could occasionally wander into the realms of over-sweet sentimentality, but generally the emotional punch it delivered was extraordinary. Take for example the introduction of Jamie Sommers, the love interest of Steve Austin and soon to be Bionic woman. I can still remember the power of the shock when, after her bodies rejection of her Bionics she was 'killed off'. The day after that episode there happened to be the birthday party of one of my friends, essentially it was a non-event, we were emotionally dumbstruck by the death by the previous nights episode - it was genuinely powerful stuff for a 10 year old I tell you! It didn't harm also that I and a few million other boys were also a immediately more than a little in love with Lindsay Wagner.....

Add to the mix countless exciting and inventive storylines  - The Seven Million Dollar Man, The Secret of Bigfoot, Day of the Robot, Death Probe ....... perhaps my personal favourites with Death Probe being at the absolute top, brilliant stuff!. Yes in amongst the classics were some duds and occasional the lapse into drippy over-sentiment but in general the good far outweighed the bad.

But don't just take my word for it! By the mid to late 1970's the world of popular culture had been taken over by the show. Everybody could recite the "We have the technology" quote and hum the theme tune....... the sales of the Six million Dollar Man action figure were truly huge (yes I had one), as were the respective board games and other series merchandise. Not only that but the series itself spawned numerous spin-offs, including a very successful Bionic Woman series starring the aforementioned gorgeous Miss Wagner. And of course, I've already mentioned the infinite amounts of slow-motion running (with sound effects) in infinite playgrounds around the world.

So do you see my predicament? It was either the Bionic Man or the guitar lessons - one of them had to suffer. After a few weeks of missing chunks of what had now become my favourite ever TV series (and probably is even to this day) I cut short my lessons, stating that I had too much homework as an excuse. I know that makes me sound like a truly ungrateful son, and maybe that's correct, but in my defence I did apologise to my parents who accepted it on the proviso that I eventually pay them back the cost of the cancelled lessons. This I did by doubling up my daily paper rounds and working weekend in the local store for the next six months....... but it was worth it.

I never did become a guitar hero and it was all your fault, Steve my man. But boy you were worth it.

This article can also be found via the 5D website www.5d-blog.com. There you can find a veritable feast of blog articles, news items, pictures and other mouth-watering salutations to the gods of the geeks and the nerds. We have now inherited the earth, you know.