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Saturday, 11 June 2016

Game of Thrones - Series 6. Episodes 2 to 4

It was with great pleasure that 5D some time ago agreed to contribute a series of news articles for the social media phenomenon that is Blasting News, the independent online magazine based on the principle of social journalism and powered by the voices of thousands of people called Blasters. 

So now 5D,  apart from being quite possibly the finest Scifi/fantasy & horror website on the planet, is now a blaster. I know I've been called worse.

You can access my pearls of wisdom (sic) via my Blasting News profile RIGHT HERE.


As part of my insatiable need for positive affirmation and adoration, not to mention my raging & some may say rampant narcissism, a vote took place at 5D headquarters which resulted in the decision to also publish the Blasting news articles on here. I know, I'm just too shallow nice. 

So here you go with the pieces I put together for episodes 2 to 4. They're brief, to the point and guaranteed to make you think............... of doing something else.

Game Of Thrones Recap: Season 6 , Ep 2 - HOME

The return of the man who knows nothing finally proves many right, and me wrong, in Game of Thrones.

Before I begin I have two disclaimers; the first is that this and every subsequent piece will most definitely contain a number of spoilers of each episode of Game Of Thrones – so look away now me hearties if you don’t want your day ruined beyond all redemption! The second disclaimer is that these are not critical reviews of each episode; I may get some facts wrong (no doubt), I may miss some information out (most probably) and  I may constantly bang on about how Lena Headey as Cersai is about as delicious as delicious can be (that’s a given). 

Arise Jon Snow

So yes I and countless others around the world who are obsessed more than a sane person should be with Game of Thrones were wrong, the man who knows nothing returned, though not until after some pruning, brushing and cleaning by the by now angst-ridden Melisandre. This was swiftly followed by some mumbled incantations designed to elicit the life into the near naked body of Mr Snow. 

Thankfully the Red Witch decided to wear her necklace and thus portray her younger form and put aside the image of her old decrepit self. The result being that many of we guys may never rid from our collective memory ever again after last week’s revelation. Will the resurrection leave Jon less of a man than he was before? Will it leave him more of a man than he was before? Or will it leave him as mad as a box of Frogs when he realises that his clothes have been sold off and all he now has to wear at the wall is a small loin cloth?

Ramsey, you're a bad boy

Talking about being as mad as a box of Frogs – Back at WinterfellRamsey Bolton, come on down! Bless his murderous little monster monster heart as the he yet again wins the ‘King Joffrey nasty little bastard award’ for the umpteenth week running. Not only content with knifing his Pop, Lord Roose Bolton, after realising that his new born step-brother could potentially usurp his right to succession he then proceeds to feed the dogs…..with his step mother & her new born. 

Go get him Jaime

Perhaps the most electrifying scene of the week took place between Jamie Lannister and the High Sparrow. I’ve made it no secret in the past that old ‘Leftie himself is my favourite show character of whom I would argue has by far the most interesting arc of character development of all, both in the books and in the TV series. The scene of unspoken threat and violence between the two men was quite simply delicious, the old Jaime would have automatically chopped off the head of old Sparrow. Something tells me his time will come.

And special mention to………

Notable Deaths - Ser Gregorstein and the drunks head mash, Wildling giant and the Nightwatch body mash. I should be a little embarrassed and possibly ashamed at laughing out loud at the sight of a character being mashed against a wall, I really should. But I don’t. 

Cersai – Looking as gorgeous as ever with the short hair look. 

Tyrian one liners – To be quite frank it’s a toss-up between “The next time I have an idea like that again, punch me in the face” or “That’s what I do. I drink and I know things”

And finally

Before you say it, I know, I know. I haven’t even mentioned the dragons……..or Arya…….or Sansa……..or Bran. Maybe next week.

Game Of Thrones Recap: Season 6, Ep 3 -  OATHBREAKER

Something of a slow burning episode in which violence (mostly) takes a backseat to chat.

Game of Thrones this week did what it sometimes does best. Namely to take a breath with some sparkling yet understated dialogue whilst tantalising its audience with some hope (Jon Snow's resurrection), some pain (Jon's depression at his resurrection) and a the hint of an answer to the biggest of fan theories (just who are Jon's parents?).

Well hello cheeky
So now, after the shock of last week's episode, Jon Snow actually does know nothing as the poor so-and-so wakes up from death to find himself stark naked on a cold wooden table up there in the frozen north. “I shouldn’t be here” he mumbles. That was nothing compared to the look of shock on the faces of the gathered Wildlings and Night’s Watchas he later decides to hang up his Lord Commander's cloak and depart from the watch. Ah but at least he got a hug from his mates. 
The real story of Ser Arthur Dayne

It’s another trip into the past for Bran and the Three-eyed Raven as they visit the scene of the legendary confrontation between Bran’s father, Ned Stark, and “ the best swordsman he ever saw." Sadly for Bran, it seems Ned’s story of heroism may have had some element of, well, big fat lies as it turns out Dayne was stabbed in the back of the neck by Howland Reed. However, the real stunner for Bran is his calling out to his father and old Ned hearing him……can he now affect the past?

Ramsey gets a present

So what the heck is Umber up to? First he insults the mad-as-a-box of frogs Ramsey by calling his dead but probably still warm father the C word, not once but twice, but he also refused to bend his knee and swear allegiance to the new Lord Bolton. Instead he presents him with a trio of presents; a Direwolf’s head, Osha,6 and Rickon Stark. So we’ve either got a few weeks of torture from Ramsey or maybe it’s a ruse by Umber & Rickon? The Internet Is awash with countless conspiracy theories to that effect.

Notable mentions........

Ser Alisser Thorne and his not-so-merry band of stabbers get what many felt was coming to them at the end of a hangman's rope. Plenty of muffled chokes, swinging legs, and bulging eyes after the deed was done. I’ll miss Alliser, even he did try to kill old cheeky bum Jon.

Cersai – still looking as gorgeous as ever with the short hair look. Talking about looks, the look of death that she gave the Small council as they left her to face more lonely humiliation was a sight to behold. Silly people, I expect they'll pay. Here's hoping!

Tyrian one liners – “The true history of the world is the history of great conversations in elegant rooms."

Arya gets her sight back. Tommen is, well, still poor little wet Tommen.

Tyrian fails miserably in his attempts to socialise. 

Game Of Thrones Recap: Season 6, Ep 4;

This week sees the seeds sown to make the future look decidedly bloody for all concerned.

Well, after last week's slow-burner episode this week's Game of Thrones saw proceedings take a distinct up-turn for one particular storyline, while a number of other story strands began to ever increasingly hint at a number violent confrontation soon to come. If that wasn't enough, the Internet was almost broken by the mother of dragons.

There's something in my eye....

I don’t know about you, but I swear that I heard a collective “Ahhhhh, bless” the moment when Jon Snow and Sansa embraced each other after travelling with Brienne to the wall. Unfortunately I wasn’t really able to concentrate too much on the scene due to getting something in my eye, in fact both of them) right at the very moment of the reunion. It was so bad (probably dust, yes that’s right, it was dust) that my eyes began to water – thankfully my eyes were better, just after Sansa apologised for being selfish and Jon said sorry for being a sulky git (well no change there, Jon mate).

There’s going to be a rumble……..number 1

If this episode was good for anything it was to provide the reference point for a number of tasty little clashes coming up later in the series. For a while it seemed that the Jon/Sansa reunion was going to fizzle into a sibling fall-out when Jon declared that he had no stomach for further fighting, even though Sansa said that she would go alone to retake Winterfell (you go girl). However the letter from cuddly Ramsey threatening to do all sort of unspeakable acts to just about everybody and his pet dog currently living in the North was enough to spur him into action. 2000 wildlings against 5000 Bolton troops? Bring it on baby!

There’s going to be a rumble…….number 2

Ahh Cersei you gorgeous looking manipulative devil you. Not only does she manage to get some tasty tit bits of information on the High Sparrow by playing on the maternal needs of poor insipid Tommen. But she also manages to persuade the Tyrells to march their forces into the city and retake the power back from the dastardly fanatics without the need to spill much, or any of the last remaining Lannister blood. Brains as well as being drop-dead gorgeous.

There’s going to be a rumble…….number 3
Things haven’t been going to well for the old mother of dragons herself, Dany, having recently been run out of town by the dastardly son’s of the harpy, only then to be captured by the Dothraki horde who seem intent on putting her with the rest of the widowed Khaleesi gals. So instead she decides to turn the tables on them and in doing so create a collective gasp amongst the program’s worldwide audience; Firstly by destroying the collective Dothraki Khal leadership in the house fire from hell; secondly by walking out naked to the gathered now kneeling throng, completely unscathed by the flames. I think she may have found an answer to retaking her cities & finally giving those across the water in Westeros a good damn good thrashing. Oh and did I say she was naked?

And notable mentions to………

Deaths of the week – Did I really see blood splatter onto the screen from the  pulverising to the Dothraki's head? I think I did – awesome! Ok, so technically he was already dead but we get our Game of Thrones death thrills where we can.

Oh poor Osha, clearly underestimating his mad as a box of frogs lordship by thinking that she could give Ramsey a swift knife to the throat, only to have her own neck well and truly slit in between his apple munching…..Rickon, you’re for it mate!

The return of the redoubtable Littlefinger getting up to his Machiavellian best.

Tormund giving Brienne his best ‘Loved up eyes’ routine across the table.

Brienne making it quite clear to Melisandre that if they do travel together to Winterfell the conversation is going to be a little strained to say the least.

This article can also be found via the 5D website There you can find a veritable feast of blog articles, news items, pictures and other mouth-watering salutations to the gods of the geeks and the nerds. We have now inherited the earth, you know.

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