All 5D Blog articles from June 2017 onwards can be located on the 5D Website at No more post will appear on blogger from this point.

Saturday, 14 December 2013

Jersey Shore Massacre (2014)

I was sat thinking the other day (no, I really was thinking) about what my next entry was going to be in my wonderfully ground-breaking-soon-to-be-taking over the world blog. The problem was that I was 'in-between' projects: reviews of books having to wait until I have actually found the time to read them, DVD review releases delayed in the post due to something mysteriously called 'the Christmas busy period' and still not having the chance to travel and see the new Hobbit movie. In other words, I was procrastinating.
Absolutely nothing interesting to see in this poster.
Nope, ahem, nothing at all..........
So when I received a message from Teri  Tarnopol asking whether I would consider posting about the Indiegogo campaign for their upcoming movie, Jersey Shore Massacre, I was slightly curious - after all, I can't give my limited time and blog-space to any old rubbish as I only like to write about things I'm interested in. I'm a bit funny that way.  My slight curiosity soon turned to more than a little interest when I went to have a look see at the movie's IMDB page RIGHT HERE

" A blood-drenched horror/comedy that does for guidos and guidettes what Zombieland did for zombies".

"Hmmm, Stuey" I thought to myself, " Maybe I will have a little bit more of a look"  My interest level then increased just a little bit more when I read a warning that had been issued by the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) stating that the film contained Graphic bloody horror violence (now that's a bit of a mouthful), Sexual content, Nudity, Language (you mean this is one of the modern talkie movies, blimey, someone better tell Charlie Chaplin) and brief drug material. I always like to be warned about just how much I can expect to be 'offended' so thank you MPAA for both warning me and at the same time piquing my interest about a film that I might otherwise have missed. 

I think it's safe to say that seeing the movie's promotional poster (left) perhaps sealed the deal on a superficial level........... but what of the movie itself I hear you ask. You know that annoying stuff that we also have to consider besides the warning of goodies just mentioned - those things like plot, effects, filmmakers and actors etc etc.

So lets do that then shall we in the form of some probing. and dare I say it, edgy questions? 

(FD) Paul Tarnopol - I assume you're from somewhere suitably glamorous?

(PT) "I was born in New York City in 1963, graduated from the American University in 1986 and have lived in Coconut Grove, Florida since 2004."

(FD) Marvellous, I'm freezing my arse off in Scotland and you live in sunny Florida. OK, provide us with a taste of your CV.

(PT) "I have an an extensive track record of producing and marketing highly successful music compilations to leading retailers such as Best Buy, Target and Wal-Mart. Some of Paul’s best known albums are “The Brat Pack Years”, “Booty Jams” and “Stone Cold Metal”, produced with WWE’s Stone Cold Steve Austin."

(FD) Wrestling and Brat Packer music? well that's all well and good, but what about movies?

(PT) "In 2012 I entered the motion picture world with the production of the horror/comedy “Girls Gone Dead” starring Jerry “The King” Lawler, Linnea Quigly, Ron Jeremy and Beetlejuice.  My latest film is another horror/comedy called “Jersey Shore Massacre” which I wrote and directed.  

(FD)  I see what you did there, slipping your movie in before I did my usual thing of digressing and going off at a tangent with some intense psychological probing. Well ok, tell us about the plot.

(PT) "Jersey Shore Massacre is a blood-drenched horror comedy that does for guidos and guidettes what Zombieland did for zombies.  After losing their Seaside Heights beach rental, Teresa and her girlfriends wind up at her Uncle Vito’s hideaway in the New Jersey Pine Barrens along with five obnoxious fist pumpers. Unbeknownst to the group, a mentally deranged killer is single-handedly slaughtering them one by one in the most horrific ways imaginable, assisted only by the group’s arrogance and ignorance."

(FD) Blimey, sounds a bit good. Any more?

(PT) "Having grown up in the New York/New Jersey area, guidos and guidettes were always a part of life long before shows like “Jersey Shore”, “Jerseylicious”, “The Sopranos” and “The Real Housewives Of New Jersey” were ever dreamt of. The idea of inserting this colourful group of fist-pumpers, hairdressers and mobsters into a horror setting that also included the Jersey Devil was impossible for us to resist." 

(FD) The thing is matey, we only have your word for how good Jersey Shore Massacre will actually be. What do you have to say to that?

(PT) "We produced Jersey Shore Massacre to entertain a broad audience, not just to impress other film makers at film festivals.  However, we tested a rough cut of Jersey Shore Massacre at Orlando’s Freak Show Horror Film Festival on October 26, 2013 and walked away with the award for Best Special Effects.  We have also had the good fortune of casting some of New York’s best up and coming actors as well as our friends Ron Jeremy, Shawn C. Phillips, Nikki Delano, Alexis Ford, and SiriusXM personalities Sal Governale, Richard Christy and Bigfoot"

(FD) Bugger, winning awards before the film is even released - that's shut me up then. So how can people in Internet land help?

(PT) "After raising $350,000 and squeezing every penny of it onto the screen, we could not be happier with the results.  Best of all, Jersey Shore Massacre is 100% shot and only needs $50,000 to cover the post production costs for sound design, colour correction, a promotional trailer and the fee for its MPAA rating.  We decided to use Indiegogo to raise the final $50,000 and to reward our supporters with some really special and once-in-a-lifetime perks."

However, don't just take my word for it  - have a look at the movies Indiegogo page RIGHT HERE for more information and what perks and offers you can get for your participation.

OR check out the promotional video from the indiegogo page - but beware those guys with a problematic heart condition, it contains Danielle Dallaco who plays the role of Teresa. I'm sure that the list of actors such as Angelica Boccella, Giovanni Roselli, Ron Jeremy, Shawn C. Phillips, Chris Lazzaro, Nicole Rutigliano, John Michael Hastie and Brenton Duplessie are very talented too...... but lets just say that Danielle Dallaco has something of a future and that if she wants to send me a Facebook friend request I wouldn't say no.....:-)

BTW, yes that is THE Ron Jeremy who forms part of the cast list. I am of course far too wholesome, naive and pure of heart to know what Ron's previous career was.......... Anyone who cares to suggest otherwise will face the wrath of my overworked legal team. Besides which I always clear my intent history......

So there you have it. A Slasher horror Comedy that promises much and may well deliver. I'm looking forward to seeing Jersey Shore Massacre in 2014.

Information on Jersey Shore Massacre can be found as follows:

No comments:

Post a Comment